Empty Nesting

I Love You, I Hate You, I Love You…. The Journey from My Daughter to My Friend

I Love You, I Hate You, I Love You……. The Journey from My Daughter to My Friend.

Being a mother is tough…. I mean TOUGH.  Being a mother to a little girl is a roller coaster ride.  There are exceptions out there I know, but for the most part I know I am not alone in my journey of up’s and down’s, love and hate, happy and sad, and good and bad days.

Twenty-four years ago I could not have imagined where I would be today, hell…. 5 or 10 years ago I wouldn’t have been able to imagine it, but here we are…… ta-da…. We are finally friends.  Here are the stages that we went through:

  • the cute 0-4 year old “Mommy is the best” stage,
  • then came the 5-11 year old “I’m my own little person” stage where Mommy cannot comb my hair, dress me in cute outfits, or tie my shoes for me anymore.  This was also the stage where Daddy’s little girl emerged in our house.
  • Then the 12-16 “Hormone stage” hit like a giant Tsunami and left a wake of tears, you don’t understand me’s, anger, and slamming doors in its wake.
  • 17-20 brought with it the “You are the person I hate the most in the world” stage because you are always wrong, have no idea how life works, and continue to not understand me at all.
  • Then came 21-24 and some mysterious magical switch has flipped and all of the sudden Mommy has brains again, and isn’t such a bad person anymore.

It’s such a relief to be able to stay in the same room together and not fight…..  To be able to have a conversation with each other and no one leaves the room crying.

HOW TO

Hey, babies do not come with step by step instruction booklets.  All the parenting books in the world will not prepare you for the “You are the person I hate most in the world” stage, and the sense of despair and failure that comes with it.  Despair because this beautiful child-woman is looking at you and saying horrible things to you; you can feel your heart break as you try to reason with them and yourself that everything is going to be alright, and failure because you can’t find the right words to make both of you feel better combined with the crippling “what did I do wrong” feeling that if you had been a better mother this wouldn’t be happening at all.

WHAT

My list of regrets is long, I mean long……. I could torture myself for years upon years every minute of the day with the “what could I have said or done’s” that would have made things easier or better for both of us.  I can’t even honestly say that if I had a “do over” that anything would be different because I am just as confused and mystified today as I was 24 years ago about being a mother, but as of right now I’m just glad we both made it to where we are today: alive and sane.

ME AND SJ img_2080

I sit here today comfortable in the knowledge that my daughter and I are friends….  That she loves me and I love her… That I raised a strong willed woman who could take over the world if she wanted to….. That she has a beautiful and amazing heart, will fight for what’s wrong in the world to make it a better place, and anyone who is lucky enough to be called her friend is in a pretty fortunate group of people.

I just look back at all the funny, happy, silly, crazy times we have had and hope it will be enough to not have me featured as the “worst mom in the world” on some reality TV show one day.  So, here’s to the good times ahead, and to mothers and daughters everywhere just taking it day by day and hoping for the best.

Remember to say “I love you” every single day, even if it’s through a closed door or at the top of your lungs as the other person walks away, because that is the one undeniable truth that will never change and the one absolute starting point for every new day.

jeanie

A little about me…… I’m a princess……yes, a real live princess….. I have a purse, shoe, and book obsession. I’m a borderline animal hoarder with 2 dogs, and 4 cats, and I’m also a House Cat, living in paradise with the love of my life AKA: Mr. Sexy Pants.  I can’t stand hot weather……… love when it’s cold outside, and I’m emotionally high maintenance requiring LOTS of attention. I only sing in the car, not the shower, and always by myself…… Last, but not least………I drive a little red hot rod Hyundai (yes I know, don’t say it), her name is Scarlett and I’m sure we will be pulled over by some bored police officer near you very soon.

Advertisements
Uncategorized

The Glass is Half Full… Damn it!

The Glass Is Half Full…. Damn It!

I am an eternal optimist.  No Joke.  I look on the bright side of EVERYTHING, EVERYTIME, no matter what the situation.  It’s just how I am wired.

HALF FULL

In a world full of pessimists, glass half empties, and black clouds I continue to spread my special “fairy dust of optimism” wherever I go.  I see absolutely no point in always looking at what can go wrong.  It’s not even a conscious decision on my part, it is my constant view on the world.

OPTIMIST

It’s in my nature to automatically trust people until given a reason not to, and although I have been hurt by some of those people, I am happy to say that for the most part I have been right.  You don’t have to earn my trust, you get it on day one once I accept you into my inner circle.  Isn’t that a nice thought?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were just a few more people out there that thought like that?  I think so, but that’s just me.

All that being said, I should point out that once you do hurt me, I have the wonderful ability to completely, absolutely, irreversibly cut you out of my life FOREVER!  No looking back, no second thoughts, you are gone.  Extreme?  Some may think so, but I believe that my ability to disconnect from the bad in my life allows me the peace that I enjoy.

My motto is: “Why worry about something until it happens?  Because worrying about it will not change the outcome”.  See, I have just freed myself of hours, days, weeks, and months of stress by knowing that I have done what I need to do- all that I can do- and the rest is just in the waiting.

DONT WORRY

Now, if you are the opposite of me I accept that.  I am surrounded by people that I love every day of my life who are the total opposite of me.  My husband is an eternal pessimist, but we joke that the reason why we are so perfect for each other is that he is the Yin to my Yang.  LOL.  I am constantly trying to show him the bright side of any given situation, giving him hope and some peace to reduce the stress he is putting on himself.  I have been told that I am a very calming presence to be around, and I hope that’s true.  I know that it works in my house.

So, the next time you are faced with the opportunity to look on the bright side why not give it a try.  If you cannot find the bright side message me and maybe we can find it together.

jeanie

A little about me…… I’m a princess……yes, a real live princess….. I have a purse, shoe, and book obsession. I’m a borderline animal hoarder with 2 dogs, and 4 cats, and I’m also a House Cat, living in paradise with the love of my life aka Mr. Sexy Pants.  I can’t stand hot weather……… love when it’s cold outside, and I’m emotionally high maintenance requiring LOTS of attention. I only sing in the car, not the shower, and always by myself…… Last, but not least………I drive a little red hot rod Hyundai (yes I know, don’t say it), her name is Scarlett and I’m sure we will be pulled over by some bored police officer near you very soon.