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Observe and Report. My morning of discovery in a ”sacred” female place.

Sacred. Well, not really, but yes, a beauty salon is the place where we go and spill our guts to the stylist who makes us beautiful. Come in Raggedy Ann, mini girl-talk therapy session while getting foiled or a blow out, and then you leave looking like Cinderella, or Jasmine, or Snow White without about 5 lbs. of emotional baggage you just dropped on your stylist. She’s in there sweeping it away right now BTW.

I sat under a dryer waiting for my blonde bombshell color to develop, and because I was relaxed and alone for the moment I closed my eyes, and started taking in the white noise of our “sacred” place. Some top 40 music, lots of water and dryers, but most of all chatting. You could be chatting with the same stylist you’ve had for years, or unloading on a brand new one that you just met.

You know you do it. We all do. My stylist is the ONLY living person who knows if I have any grey hairs at all. I told her not to even tell me. That’s a bond my friends. Do not take these bonds for granted.

That being said, I sat under my dryer and caught the conversation of the stylist and customer closest to me. My eyes were closed, so for as far as they knew I could have been asleep. There was no anger, malice, judgement, or complaining from this lovely customer, but her words shocked me nonetheless. She just sat there telling her stylist that her husband was pretty much useless unless a light bulb needs to be changed. She went on to describe that she’s in fact the handy one in the marriage, and if she cannot do it they simply hire out.

What struck me was the absolute nonchalance of her words. It was like she was stating that she was going to buy bread at Whole Foods today, and maybe wash her Audi on the way home.

My questions are as follows: (Gonna make some of you mad here, but I know that, and I also don’t care as this is an OPINION blog).

1. As the woman appeared in her late 30’s, early 40’s I assume (could be wrong) that her husband is around that same age. How in the world does a man that age get through life and be so “useless” (Her words, not mine)? I have a theory on this, but that’s for later. Look for THEORY in all caps further down.

2. WHY would any woman marry, or get past the first few months of dating a man that is “useless”. Useless based on her conversation and my interpretations would be someone who cannot change a tire, cannot change the oil on their vehicle, cannot replace a broken toilet, cannot unclog the kitchen sink, cannot install ceiling fans, and/or light fixtures. I could go on forever, but you get my drift.

Let’s be honest about a few things here. Women can do all of that stuff themselves. We can learn, and do all the same stuff, but why should we? If you prefer to be single is it because other than sex you can take care of everything else on your own without dealing with “Useless Man Baby”, and his “man cold” that rivals the pain of natural childbirth?

I am getting to my theory now.

THEORY……………………………..

I’m late 40’s, as is my husband. Our grand-fathers generation (GOAT’s moving forward in this blog) was the last generation of men who were 100% taught by their fathers how to not be a “Useless Man Baby”. Their fathers taught them how to work on cars, small engines, how to build a house from the ground up, how to build a vehicle from the ground up. Our grandfathers were of the “Greatest Generation” and proceeded to come home from war and make sure their sons grew up to be the kind of men who could provide, and take care of their family. Their sons, and/or male relations are Gen 1’s.

After multiple conversations with wives of our GOATS, Gen 1’s, and their Gen 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s here is what I hypothesize.

Gen 1’s taught about 75% of their son’s and/or male relatives how not to be “Useless Man Babies”. Gen 1’s which would be someone my father’s age, born in the late 40’s early 50’s. These men also went to war to fight for our country, and came back teaching their sons and male relatives how not to be “Useless Man Babies”. My father was Grizzly Adams and MacGuyver all rolled into one. He too could take a toothpick and a stick of gum out into the jungle and build a shopping mall. I was fascinated watching him build, create, fix, and just plain keep things working right, and our world together. Stability, safety. Two very strong words when describing what it’s like to live with a man like that.

Gen 1’s held back a little or were riddled with PTSD, and they imparted about 50% of their useful knowledge onto their Gen 2 sons, and male relations. This is where you start seeing the disconnect. Gen 1’s are able to get maybe 50% of their Gen 2 sons, and/or male relations to take an interest. Sure, things are getting a little more electronic, and digitized, but that lawnmower can be fixed, and yes you sure can put up an 8 ft board-on-board privacy fence around your back yard over the weekend with a buddy. Hell, flat tires are virtually unchanged in the way they are removed and replaced with a new tire.

Gen 3’s are our generation. Born in late 60’s, early 70’s. Things get a little tougher here for multiple reasons. The herd of “Useful Men” has been culled. With only 25% of their sons, or male relations receiving any teaching, skills, common sense, problem solving abilities, and/or how to change a broken load leveling system on a 1991 Ford Expedition with just some hand tools and a friend with beer holding a drop light and playing music. Gen 3’s have about a 10% chance to get just one survival skill ingrained into their sons heads that doesn’t involve just calling 911. Gen 3’s are seeing first hand that if it’s not something that AAA can handle, and how do you call a tow truck again??????

The Gen 4’s are in trouble. Gen 4’s are those born in the 80’s, and 90’s. These highly educated, or digitally engrossed men are the newest generation of “Useless Man Babies”. We are looking at maybe, and I’m being generous here, a 10% ability to take care of themselves, much less a girlfriend, wife, and/or children. Not only do they suffer from almost complete lack of courtesy which should have been ingrained for the past 4 GENERATIONS into their brains, but they do not even stop to offer assistance. Been there. Been ignored as an out of town female driver in a ball gown no less, on the side of the highway with a flat, in the dark, could not get the lug nuts loose to get the tire off, and you guessed it. 200 cars drive by, and 2 hours later I’m calling a tow truck.

Let’s wrap this OPINION post up by saying a few things.

* I understand why more and more women in their 30’s and up are saying that marriage is not a viable option for them. They can have children if they want, have careers if they want, and change their own damn tires if they want. (NOTE: must have lug wrench, check your trunk ladies, don’t just assume)

* Why would any intelligent woman want to have children with, or try and build a life with a “Useless Man Baby” unless you are assured that you have a Gen 3 or higher. You will be planning on building your life on low hanging DNA. Do you want your sons to be the 5%?

I know some of you are going to be insulted cause I just told you that your man is the untaught, uninterested Gen 3, or Gen 4. You know if me saying it out loud puts you in a bad place then just take a deep breath and regroup. You already know it, and have just accepted that you love him, and it doesn’t matter that you wear the pants in the family, and have to go check your vehicle and see if you have all the proper tools to replace a blown out tire. Jack, lug wrench, good spare…….

My daughter is a Gen 4 and I’m horrified at 90% of the boyfriends she has. Useless. Just freaking useless. How am I supposed to just let her ride off into the sunset with one of these “Useless Man Babies” when I know her father will end up coming to rescue her, and HIM, when things go south.

Guys, get your shit together. Take a course on some common sense things that up your percentage of usefulness. It’s not the 40’s or 50’s anymore. You have to bring more to the table than a paycheck. That’s not ALL we need you for. Remember, we women are getting paid too, and we are telling our confidants how useless you are. We cannot help it. Break the cycle. Ask your Dad, or grandfather for some help if they are still around. Use your resources. YouTube and Google. Seriously.

Basically, if you cannot be the man she needs you to be, sit the hell down so she can see the man standing behind you.

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Life, Uncategorized

The Saddest American

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Today marks a new beginning of an era that I thought I would never live to see.  An era of hate, fear, and helplessness fueled by one man who has single handedly broken our country in two. 

Donald Trump, from here forward just “trump” is now our new President.  Not that you will ever hear me call him that.  He is not now, nor will he ever be, MY President.  She, the woman who is MY President, is stoically watching from the front rows as a man who did not win the popular vote steals the Presidency right out from under her.

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We can debate the Electoral College until we are blue in the face, but the bottom line is that it didn’t work.  It was a failsafe put in place to protect our nation from a demagogue, and because we are so partisan in this country, those who swore to protect us FAILED US in the most horrific way.

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They had ONE JOB.  ONE DAMN JOB to do, and they couldn’t see past party lines to do it.  They will forever be labeled as TRAITORS TO THIS COUNTRY in my opinion, and I hope to God that they have to live with crippling guilt for what they have done, forever.

I’m not only sad, I am frightened.  I am frightened for my 25-year-old daughter to continue to grow into adulthood in this world where it’s perfectly fine for someone to grab her by her genitals since hey, the President can do it, so why can’t I?  I’m terrified that she will not be able to take advantage of an equal pay working environment because no one in the White House cares about that when they can start writing and submitting bills to make abortions of any kind illegal.  I’m frightened that all of the progress we have made for women will not be in her experience, just an article on the internet she reads about one day.

I’m frightened because my 5 and 7-year-old nephews will have this President as the first one they remember, and learn from.  They will see how he denigrates women, minorities, and the disabled.  They will see him say that treating women like shit is how you are supposed to do it.  They will see an unqualified, unfit, and unsound man holding press conferences and making threats to foreign leaders on Twitter. 

 I grieve because trump is in the White House.  I object to him on so many levels that I get tired of listing them all.  You’ve watched the video, and listened to the audio.  You’ve been exposed to the same democracy carnage that I have, but you might have interpreted it differently that I did. 

I want the sadness to go away, but I know that will be impossible.  I’m too disgusted by every word out of his mouth; by his utter contempt for anyone not just like him.  But I also don’t want you to think that I’m sitting here helpless.  I’m fighting every.  single.  day. to combat any wrong trump may do, and to stay on top of everything that either he, or congress, is doing to keep them from destroying us. 

I am #TheResistance  

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Until the day he is either impeached, or voted out of office, I will remain…

The Saddest American.

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An Open Letter to Donald Trump, Congress, SCOTUS, and DOJ

Hell yeah. Amazing read. I could not agree more, and this blog moved me. Brava!

Rachel Murphy Azzara

Dear Esteemed Leaders and Mr. Trump,

As 2016 draws to a close, the rest of the world looks on at our great country with combined feelings of ridicule, fear and, glee, for those who desire our demise and see opportunity in our chaos. Americans have been called the ‘best and the brightest’, and the good news is that we still are. 74 million Americans voted to reject Donald Trump as President. 66 million of these votes were for Secretary Clinton. Yet, it seems our Electoral College system, which Trump himself called a disaster, failed…but, not without help.

The GOP spent years cultivating an anti-intellectual constituency and provided a fertile environment for Trump to play his con game. He preyed on the uneducated and the desperate, appealing to the basic instinct to blame, hate and divide, and found an audience well-primed to believe the lies of a demagogue and to be…

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Empty Nesting, Life, Tips and Hints, Uncategorized

The Top Two Rules for Happiness in Paradise

There are so many things that go together to make a marriage work, but there also has to be those top things you do 24/7, 365 without fail.  Things that after time come naturally, and are so ingrained in your relationship that it changes your personality.  In our home “Paradise” as I call it, we have two rules, or guidelines, that we established 26 years ago that we live by.  They are ingrained, and just something that we do without thinking.

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  1.  We NEVER yell, or raise our voices, at each other.  UNLESS, the house is on fire, or I need MSP (Mr. Sexy Pants, AKA: my husband) to kill a bug of some kind.

My Mother had a sign in our house growing up that said “Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire”, and it made an impression on me.  I can remember back to the exact day when MSP and I yelled at each other the last time….. it was 2005.  The house was not on fire, it was a rare, but bad argument, and it’s also been 11 years since it happened.  I remember it because it was so rare.

The higher the decibel of the argument does not increase the odds of your being right.   In fact, instead of having a conversation in a normal tone of voice to work out the issue at hand you have now made the entire situation into an screaming match.  Can you think better when someone is yelling at you?  Can you be rational when you are waiting for them to stop yelling so you can scream at them?  In my experience, the answer to both questions is a big NO.  There is no argument or problem that cannot be resolved at a normal tone of voice IF you really want to work it out.

cursing

2. We NEVER curse at each other in anger, or 99% of the time in our day to day lives.  Very rarely you will hear one of us do this just joking around, and it’s so rare it will stand out if you really know us.

In my opinion, again, when you curse at the one you love, it is a HUGE sign of disrespect.  I love my husband too much to ever want to disrespect, or demean him in any way.  When it’s done in anger is the worst.  Calling the one you love a bitch, or an asshole (or all the other great one’s out there) when you are trying to work something out is demeaning, disrespectful, and childish.  Again, I can remember the EXACT day, time, and where we were at, the last time MSP and I cursed at each other.  It was in 2005, during the same argument in which we were yelling at each other.  I still remember how hurt I was hearing those words.  The yelling was bad enough, but the words we said burned a hole through my heart.  No matter the outcome, neither of us won that day.  I think we inflicted more damage on each other trying to resolve our issue than any damage the issue had done before we even started speaking to each other.  Eleven years later I still regret every horrible thing I said and the way I said it.

 

broken-heart

 

No relationship is perfect, but these two rules, or guidelines, have helped us for the better part of 26 years and I wanted to share them.  Let me know what you think, and if you have any rules, or guidelines that have helped keep your marriage, or relationship strong.

Muah,

Jeanie

 

Life, Uncategorized

Dancing With Butterflies

Today is the happiest day ever….. until tomorrow that is.

Today while mowing the lawn, and cleaning up our landscaping I had a magical moment.

Not magical because all of my laundry is done.  Not magical because not one of our 6 animals yakked, or defiled my house in any way.  Not magical because I received my shipment of recyclable coffee k-cups in the mail.

Nope, magical because one of my favorite songs came on my ipod, and at that same exact moment a flutter of butterflies took flight and we all danced together in the back yard.  Yup, even the dogs.

monarch-butterflies

I am a happy person by nature.  I find magic in so many things…..  Napping with all 6 of our animals like Snow White.  Baby birds taking a bath in our waterfall.  Hummingbirds playing in the flowers outside of my kitchen window.  Being able to turn Netflix on by myself without assistance.  It’s the little things.

I hope you are all happy today, and able to find the magic in your life that surrounds you.  Take a moment for yourself, and imagine that you too are dancing with butterflies.

Muah,

Jeanie

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The Reluctant, Hostile Hypocrite

THE TRUTH

The truth is I haven’t written a blog post since June 2nd because I’m just overwhelmed by the sadness, violence, danger, and evil in the world.  I’ve literally been speechless, and numb.  There is so much hurt, anger, pain, and unrest that I feel as if I am in the center of a tornado with all of this hate swirling deadly, endlessly, and closing in around me.

tornado

THE RELUCTANT, HOSTILE HYPOCRITE

For 20+ years I had very animated, and heated debates with my step-father on the subject of gun control.  He was a life-long, card carrying NRA member who worked as a security guard in his later years, and who had a CHL and a firearm he carried on his person at all times.  My stance on who, and who should not own a firearm is very radical, and always has been.  To say we clashed was an understatement.  We were never able to come to an agreement, or happy medium all the way up to losing him to cancer 2 years ago.  I really miss you Larry, and our loving battles over double chocolate vodka, and the beer you kept just for me in your fridge even though you didn’t drink.

ME AND LARRY

MY STANCE ON FIREARMS…. WHO CARES, RIGHT?

The point is I’m angry, and being forced against my will to become a hypocrite.  I have to concede my values, my beliefs, and everything I’ve stood for MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE and open myself up to the possibility of owning a firearm.  It makes me physically ill that this world has gotten so bad that I have to learn how to kill another human being to defend my life, my family, and my home.  Because make no mistake, that is what’s going to happen.  That’s the whole point, right?

Hypocrite

In my personal experience all of the 2nd Amendment people I have spoken to out there, who already own firearms, are not looking to warn an intruder/attacker off.  They are straight up going to shoot to kill.  For the most part they have no military/police training to hone their skills/instincts on how to handle a deadly situation.  They do not have the strict tactical knowledge that military and law enforcement officers receive that keeps them calmer and able to defend and protect.  Nope.  What they have is a few hours in a classroom and a piece of paper (maybe)…….  and now a gun.  Or multiple guns.

2ndAmendment

I DO NOT HAVE AN ANSWER

No one that I know of does either.  It’s like being caught in a rip tide.  Being drug out to sea as you helplessly try to swim to shore.  I see people swimming, but nobody is making it in.

So, I remain a House Cat in Paradise, sickened and angry over a hostile, and dangerous world full of violence and hate……. and probably reluctant hypocrites like me.

 

Uncategorized

The Glass is Half Full… Damn it!

The Glass Is Half Full…. Damn It!

I am an eternal optimist.  No Joke.  I look on the bright side of EVERYTHING, EVERYTIME, no matter what the situation.  It’s just how I am wired.

HALF FULL

In a world full of pessimists, glass half empties, and black clouds I continue to spread my special “fairy dust of optimism” wherever I go.  I see absolutely no point in always looking at what can go wrong.  It’s not even a conscious decision on my part, it is my constant view on the world.

OPTIMIST

It’s in my nature to automatically trust people until given a reason not to, and although I have been hurt by some of those people, I am happy to say that for the most part I have been right.  You don’t have to earn my trust, you get it on day one once I accept you into my inner circle.  Isn’t that a nice thought?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were just a few more people out there that thought like that?  I think so, but that’s just me.

All that being said, I should point out that once you do hurt me, I have the wonderful ability to completely, absolutely, irreversibly cut you out of my life FOREVER!  No looking back, no second thoughts, you are gone.  Extreme?  Some may think so, but I believe that my ability to disconnect from the bad in my life allows me the peace that I enjoy.

My motto is: “Why worry about something until it happens?  Because worrying about it will not change the outcome”.  See, I have just freed myself of hours, days, weeks, and months of stress by knowing that I have done what I need to do- all that I can do- and the rest is just in the waiting.

DONT WORRY

Now, if you are the opposite of me I accept that.  I am surrounded by people that I love every day of my life who are the total opposite of me.  My husband is an eternal pessimist, but we joke that the reason why we are so perfect for each other is that he is the Yin to my Yang.  LOL.  I am constantly trying to show him the bright side of any given situation, giving him hope and some peace to reduce the stress he is putting on himself.  I have been told that I am a very calming presence to be around, and I hope that’s true.  I know that it works in my house.

So, the next time you are faced with the opportunity to look on the bright side why not give it a try.  If you cannot find the bright side message me and maybe we can find it together.

jeanie

A little about me…… I’m a princess……yes, a real live princess….. I have a purse, shoe, and book obsession. I’m a borderline animal hoarder with 2 dogs, and 4 cats, and I’m also a House Cat, living in paradise with the love of my life aka Mr. Sexy Pants.  I can’t stand hot weather……… love when it’s cold outside, and I’m emotionally high maintenance requiring LOTS of attention. I only sing in the car, not the shower, and always by myself…… Last, but not least………I drive a little red hot rod Hyundai (yes I know, don’t say it), her name is Scarlett and I’m sure we will be pulled over by some bored police officer near you very soon.

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I Was Raised by an Egg Timer

I Was Raised by an Egg Timer.

I’ve been asked before that if I could write a book on my life what would it be titled.  Simple.  I was raised by an egg timer.

It really explains so much about my personality when you think about it.  I am a born strategist.  Born of necessity because of critical time management skills learned so young…  I am painfully punctual.  These two personality traits are deeply rooted in my childhood thanks to my mother.

me and momma

To say that I am lazy is an understatement.  I know it, I accept it, but you may not realize this about me.  Bill Gates said this…..

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Well, the internet says that Bill Gates said this…. Who knows?

My sainted mother had the hardest time getting me to do anything in a timely manner, so she devised a plan that would forever change me.  She bought an egg timer.  Now this egg timer began to rule my life with an iron clock.  I had so many minutes to get out of bed, or when that egg timer went off she was coming in to dump ice water on my head.

I had so many minutes to finish drinking my water, or I would lose a privilege.  (Note:  I hated water as a child and still do as an adult.  I also suffered from kidney issues because of this.  The doctor wanted me to drink 6 to 8- 8 ounce glasses of water a day, and it was only upon threat of the egg timer that I would do so).

You name it and she clocked me.  Eating dinner, cleaning my room, doing the dishes….. I hated that thing.  Gives me heart palpitations just thinking about it, but it worked.  Well, I say it worked because I strategize everything.  I also am never late.  Invite me somewhere and find out.  🙂  I will be the one calling to find out where you are, you only have 5 minutes left……

God bless Momma for her alternative child rearing decision.  I very rarely failed to complete my tasks on time, always wondered about the “or else” if I didn’t beat the clock, but I still do not drink my water.

Muah,

Jeanie

Uncategorized

It sure is quiet around here. Empty Nesting day #1

It sure is quiet around here.  Empty Nesting day #1

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Yesterday our daughter moved to Colorado, but I don’t count that as Empty Nesting Day #1.  Why?  Because my day consisted of me wandering around our home doing my best “sad panda” imitation, and my night involved me reeling with anxiety as mid-way through her road trip she started having car problems.  The 13 hour trip turned into a 20 hour trip, and I’m just glad that it’s over.

So, today is Empty Nesting day #1.

It’s so quiet.  I think our animals are even off balance because she’s gone.  Maybe I’m projecting.

I woke up this morning and no kitchen cabinets were open, no late night eating evidence was on the counters, and no lights were on for me to turn off.  You see, these were my morning routines since Baby Girl worked nights while we slept.  No sounds of the ice maker at 3am, no slamming of the patio door as she wandered in and out, no 10pm pizza delivery because she was hungry after we went to bed.  It was a quiet night, something that I am not used to.

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Our little duckling has left home, and now it’s just me, Daddy, and the animals.  It’s amazing the hole one person can leave behind.

On a happier note, I am looking forward to running around in my unmentionables, and redecorating rooms that are now empty.  The running around in my unmentionables will commence today, but the empty rooms are going to have to wait a few days while I work up to that.

 

 

Uncategorized

To my daughter who doesn’t read my blogs… This ones for you.

Even though I see you everyday it’s still hard for me sometimes to process the fact that I have a 24 year old version of your Daddy and I running around this earth.


It’s also hard to process that you are moving to Colorado today from our home in Texas. Hard, being out of the ordinary, not sad, as it’s just been us three together for most of your life.

I’m excited for you. It’s the start of your adventure. Packing up and leaving home…. Traveling hundreds of miles away full of love and wonder and excitement. Your Daddy and I did the same 25 years ago when we were way younger than you are now.


My advice is to let go of any negativity in the past and truly live in the wonder and magic of today.  Of all of your tomorrows. Don’t look back…. You are not going that way!

From the moment I met your Daddy he was my home. Where he wanted to go I was right there. No questions. No hesitation. I didn’t look back either. It’s not hard to jump when you trust someone to always be there to catch you.  There really isn’t anything in our lives that we can say “I wish we would have done that, but we were too scared”.

You are a better, stronger version of me.  Of us.

So trust. Jump. And Fly!  Start making all of the memories you will be telling your daughter one day.

Make them exciting. That’s what I did.

Love, Mom