There are so many things that go together to make a marriage work, but there also has to be those top things you do 24/7, 365 without fail. Things that after time come naturally, and are so ingrained in your relationship that it changes your personality. In our home “Paradise” as I call it, we have two rules, or guidelines, that we established 26 years ago that we live by. They are ingrained, and just something that we do without thinking.
- We NEVER yell, or raise our voices, at each other. UNLESS, the house is on fire, or I need MSP (Mr. Sexy Pants, AKA: my husband) to kill a bug of some kind.
My Mother had a sign in our house growing up that said “Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire”, and it made an impression on me. I can remember back to the exact day when MSP and I yelled at each other the last time….. it was 2005. The house was not on fire, it was a rare, but bad argument, and it’s also been 11 years since it happened. I remember it because it was so rare.
The higher the decibel of the argument does not increase the odds of your being right. In fact, instead of having a conversation in a normal tone of voice to work out the issue at hand you have now made the entire situation into an screaming match. Can you think better when someone is yelling at you? Can you be rational when you are waiting for them to stop yelling so you can scream at them? In my experience, the answer to both questions is a big NO. There is no argument or problem that cannot be resolved at a normal tone of voice IF you really want to work it out.
2. We NEVER curse at each other in anger, or 99% of the time in our day to day lives. Very rarely you will hear one of us do this just joking around, and it’s so rare it will stand out if you really know us.
In my opinion, again, when you curse at the one you love, it is a HUGE sign of disrespect. I love my husband too much to ever want to disrespect, or demean him in any way. When it’s done in anger is the worst. Calling the one you love a bitch, or an asshole (or all the other great one’s out there) when you are trying to work something out is demeaning, disrespectful, and childish. Again, I can remember the EXACT day, time, and where we were at, the last time MSP and I cursed at each other. It was in 2005, during the same argument in which we were yelling at each other. I still remember how hurt I was hearing those words. The yelling was bad enough, but the words we said burned a hole through my heart. No matter the outcome, neither of us won that day. I think we inflicted more damage on each other trying to resolve our issue than any damage the issue had done before we even started speaking to each other. Eleven years later I still regret every horrible thing I said and the way I said it.
No relationship is perfect, but these two rules, or guidelines, have helped us for the better part of 26 years and I wanted to share them. Let me know what you think, and if you have any rules, or guidelines that have helped keep your marriage, or relationship strong.
Muah,
Jeanie
House Cat in Paradise 